I came home from my holiday feeling refreshed and invigorated.
I am desperately trying to hold on to those feelings but they seem to be slipping through my fingers.
I'm sliding back into the cycle of grief, guilt and anxiety.
I am sleeping my days away to escape facing reality. I am feeling physically ill and yet I can clearly recall how healthy I felt in the sun and heat of Cuba.
This is not to say that the vacation was not helpful. It gave me time to realize how I might help myself.
One thing I realized on this vacation - it's time for some therapy.
I have no on/off switch on my anxiety. I don't sleep well at night because my mind is whirring away with random thoughts and worries. As a result I'm not fully awake during the day and so I cannot get anything accomplished. And all the while, through every 24 hour period I am in a low state of panic and strangling guilt.