Where I'm At

I'm not going to whine, just want to explain where I've been and why.

I've been feeling pretty poopy lately, physically and emotionally.

At the time of the nervous breakdown I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and though I'm doing a gazillion times better than I was at the time of diagnosis, I still have my moments (or, more accurately, my days or weeks).

It's always hard to identify what precipates these swings into low energy, sleepiness, achiness and general inability to function. It seems that any change to my day to day routine has an effect. I try to prepare for these instances but it doesn't always work.

I get very frustrated with myself for feeling this way, which I think escalates the problems and turns the whole downslide into a kind of cyclical whirlwind in which physical symptoms cause emotional distress, causes my body to shut down...causes me to want to scream! But of course screaming would take too much energy and so I just sit and wait it out.

It's especially frustrating at this beautiful time of the year when I want to be out, enjoying the sun, taking pictures of everything around me.

When I'm in this state everything seems dulled and I feel like I'm wasting moments and days of beauty.