I feel more mixed up, turned around, sad, angry, guilty, distraught this month than I have in the last few.
Just when I thought the roller coaster was coming to a stop I've taken another sharp turn around another blind corner and I have no idea where I'm headed.
The closer we come to a year the more frightened of a future without my Mother I become and the more angry that I have to contemplate one at all.
I'm also finding myself panicking as I see what I perceive to be signs of other people putting their lives back together. It feels like an insult to Mom, it feels wrong and my anger builds some more.
There are so many emotions swirling around in my head these days that I can't focus on anything.
It's like starting all over again.