Wednesday, April 28, 2010

informative information (or self indulgent babbling)

I know I've been neglecting the blog a little lately...and I feel terrible about it. 

I feel I owe an explanation.

Be prepared, my explanation is ridiculous and shows what a preposterous excuse for a now 32 year old adult I am.

Also, it reveals my fragile hold on sanity.

But, as you know, I'm nothing if not honest with you all so I'd like to let you in on what's been hampering my creativity and deeply affecting my already clearly defective brains.

Ever since my nervous breakdown (I cringe every time I say that but it is the simplest way to explain what happened to me) I have tried my hardest to maintain a very simplified, routine, non-stressful existence. And I've done pretty well at it. I weeded out a lot of stressful elements from my life, left my stressful job, moved away from what I felt to be a stressful town and generally enveloped myself in a stress free cocoon.

Unfortunately, this has backfired just a little bit. 

I'm now at a point in life where I want to get out there again. Correction: where I need to get out there again. 

Or maybe both are correct. 

I want to get out there because I've been feeling stagnated and I have a lot of ideas hopping around in my over-active imagination that are just begging to come to fruition. Also, I'm feeling healthy enough to want and I want to take advantage of that.

I need to get out there because, well, if I don't I'm wasting my life and I refuse to waste any more time (Mother and best friend passing away will make a person reflect heavily on their own mortality and the quickly passing sands of time.)

So, here's where things get tricky. 

My neurotic, obsessive need to keep things simple and calm means that any new activity I add to my life causes me great anxiety and stress.

And, while absent from the safety of the blogosphere I've been busy adding activity to my three dimensional life. 

Translation: sleepless nights, panic attacks and total inability to focus on blogging or even (gasp!) cooking! It's true, poor SeaBass has suffered many a "make it yourself!" supper.

I think things are starting to calm down now though. 

The biggest "new thing" is something I'm very excited to share with all you folks but I really wanted to wait until I was over making myself almost puke thinking about it (you're welcome for the image) before writing about it.

My friend (owner of Karma Marketplace, local business woman of the year and all around amazing person) and I have begun a healthy lunch program at a local elementary school. We're doing local, organic and totally made from scratch foods and I am at the helm of the cooking end of the business. 

I have never cooked for more than six or seven people at a time before. 

I have never cooked for folks who don't know me and therefore don't feel obliged to be at least polite, if not complimentary, before.

I have never tried to feed healthy, organic food to an audience used to fillers, by-products and additives before.

By the way, did you know that children are picky?

Yesterday was our second lunch. It was a success and now I can relax....until next Tuesday when we do it again.

I'm looking forward to sharing the experience with you. The food, the successes, the failures, the ensuing panic attacks.

Anyways, that's what's been happening with me.

Thank you for listening. 



Heiko said...

Good on you! That sound a great and worthwhile project and it should do your confidence a world of good (unless the children start puking ;))

Laura said...

I'm so behind in getting through my to read posts... sorry! This is so very exciting and inspirational... what a supremely cool thing to jump into. Best of luck and I can't wait to hear about your adventures, as always :)

Anonymous said...

Well, here's the thing. There is nothing you could do to make your mother proud; let me explain. She already is, because you IS. Does that make sense? Your Beingness, your aliveness, your nod towards your notion that you should still be trying to make her proud, is already making her proud, and the moment you entered the atmosphere of this planet, having carefully traversed her willing uterine channel, you made every cell in her body proud of who you are. But, having said that, we are never satisfied with that kind of answer, so we try anyway, and so should we, because it makes us nicer humans in the process. Your time at Karma, hmmm, cooking for unsuspecting children who probably would have eaten some smarties for lunch....well done girl! If you do it again, call me, I will come and peel potatoes (my favorite food), or whatever you need doing. You know my number. I'm the one who sent you out in pouring rain to get me my sugar fix, even though you were tired and re-tired.

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