A Brief Musing

It keeps occurring to me, in a beat me over the head and smack me in the face kind of way, the total disparity between the almost instantaneous way in which I verbally began to refer to my mother in the past tense while on the other hand my mind, my imagination, my thoughts continue to function as though my mother was still present in my day-to-day life. Of course I'm struck by this often because my mother is pretty much all I think about these days.

So, what is the deal? Is it two separate parts of mind engaging on different levels? Has the part of my brain that controls my speech accepted her death and filed it away rationally? This is an interesting theory given that I am not known for my rational, logical way of speaking; in fact I'm more known for tripping all over my words and making an ass out of myself.

Does your conscious, walking, talking self adapt more quickly, maybe in order to deal with cultural mores - since I can imagine the looks I'd be getting if I was out and about referring to my mother in present tense constantly - while the subconscious remains mired in the goop of dealing with and trying to come to terms with mortality?